In coaching, if you’re familiar with the profession, you know it’s all about perspective. There’s no such thing as an objective reality. For example, humans see the world within a very limited light spectrum, bats perceive the same world through echolocation, and snakes navigate the same world detecting temperature signatures. So, which is the true reality? All of them. None of them. Reality, like beauty, is truly in the eye or ears or tongue of the beholder.
The reason I bring this up is because throughout any given day we so often are faced with challenges that bring anxiety, anger, frustration, or fear. The one thing they all have in common is that something we wanted to happen didn’t, isn’t, or isn’t going to happen. And so, our negative emotions are really the result of not being able to control the situation. The next obvious line you’re probably predicting is: well, if you can’t control the situation, you can always control how you perceive it.
Sure. Yeah. But let’s not make a Rube Goldberg machine out of this. Let’s keep it simple. I have found that the quickest, easiest, and most sustainable way to plummet the pressure gauge, relax the anxiety, calm down, and see clearly is to follow one simple rule: remember that there’s always another perspective.
That’s it. You don’t have to know what that perspective is or from whom it belongs, just that it exists. I’ll give you an example. My wife and I were recently feeling very anxious at the idea of daycare calling us to quarantine one or both of our children out of caution and CDC guidelines for ten days. It’s a very real scenario that may happen given the state of the pandemic. And having to be home with one or both of the kids would require us to cancel, reschedule, and move everything around for work. To say the least, it would be a major and stressful ordeal.
However, I thought to myself, “how would my four-year-old daughter see this?” She’d look at her parents getting angry and stressed at having to stay home for ten days in shifts with her and she could easily think, “my parents don’t want me around.” And then, she’d delve into the myriad negative thoughts that could stem from that. It makes my eyes water and heart break at the thought of my daughter forming those ideas. But I can easily see that happening. Immediately, shifting schedules around no longer feels like a hassle, but rather as a gift, an opportunity to spend more time with my children. The anxiety is gone. Sure, I’d prefer to work and have them playing happily at daycare, but if this happens, this is the perspective I’d find healthiest.
But again, it doesn’t matter if you can think of the other perspective or see the gift in an unexpected ordeal. What matters is simply that you acknowledge that another perspective exists. Remember, this isn’t happening to you. You’re not the center of all this. There are many moving parts, people involved, and unexpected outcomes. You don’t have to see them, but merely know they’re there like waking up in a pitch-black room, but knowing somewhere, on one of the walls, is a light switch and a door. You may not see it now, but just by knowing it’s there can make all the difference.
So, I invite you – the next time you feel anxious, afraid, or angry – to simply remind yourself that there are other perspectives to this. That’s it. See how you feel. Let the pressure drop. And from this calmer, more centered place, see what’s possible.
The reason I bring this up is because throughout any given day we so often are faced with challenges that bring anxiety, anger, frustration, or fear. The one thing they all have in common is that something we wanted to happen didn’t, isn’t, or isn’t going to happen. And so, our negative emotions are really the result of not being able to control the situation. The next obvious line you’re probably predicting is: well, if you can’t control the situation, you can always control how you perceive it.
Sure. Yeah. But let’s not make a Rube Goldberg machine out of this. Let’s keep it simple. I have found that the quickest, easiest, and most sustainable way to plummet the pressure gauge, relax the anxiety, calm down, and see clearly is to follow one simple rule: remember that there’s always another perspective.
That’s it. You don’t have to know what that perspective is or from whom it belongs, just that it exists. I’ll give you an example. My wife and I were recently feeling very anxious at the idea of daycare calling us to quarantine one or both of our children out of caution and CDC guidelines for ten days. It’s a very real scenario that may happen given the state of the pandemic. And having to be home with one or both of the kids would require us to cancel, reschedule, and move everything around for work. To say the least, it would be a major and stressful ordeal.
However, I thought to myself, “how would my four-year-old daughter see this?” She’d look at her parents getting angry and stressed at having to stay home for ten days in shifts with her and she could easily think, “my parents don’t want me around.” And then, she’d delve into the myriad negative thoughts that could stem from that. It makes my eyes water and heart break at the thought of my daughter forming those ideas. But I can easily see that happening. Immediately, shifting schedules around no longer feels like a hassle, but rather as a gift, an opportunity to spend more time with my children. The anxiety is gone. Sure, I’d prefer to work and have them playing happily at daycare, but if this happens, this is the perspective I’d find healthiest.
But again, it doesn’t matter if you can think of the other perspective or see the gift in an unexpected ordeal. What matters is simply that you acknowledge that another perspective exists. Remember, this isn’t happening to you. You’re not the center of all this. There are many moving parts, people involved, and unexpected outcomes. You don’t have to see them, but merely know they’re there like waking up in a pitch-black room, but knowing somewhere, on one of the walls, is a light switch and a door. You may not see it now, but just by knowing it’s there can make all the difference.
So, I invite you – the next time you feel anxious, afraid, or angry – to simply remind yourself that there are other perspectives to this. That’s it. See how you feel. Let the pressure drop. And from this calmer, more centered place, see what’s possible.